15 weeks...

15 weeks...what to say about the 15th week...

Compared to my other pregnancies, this one was...harder, yet easier. I dont exactly know how to word it. I havent lost nearly as much weight. 12 lbs so far, compared to the 30 with my first pregnancy. I have been able to keep "food" down. Not the healthiest of food, but food nonetheless. I havent been on IV's for 2 weeks. I didnt have to have a PICC line...but it is still HARD. Its hard because life still goes on even when youre barfing every morning and every night. Sophie still needs diaper changes, baths, and play time. Laundry still gets dirty. Dishes need to be washed. There is twice as much this time around. John tries to keep up, but with sudden snow storms we have had, he needs to salt, and keeping his business a float, he can only help with the bare minimum of household duties.

Last week I decided this pregnancy was harder mentally than it has been physically. As Sophie and I napped on the couch together, I woke up with a terrifying thought. What if I was this sick my ENTIRE pregnancy? It happens folks. Some women with Hyperemesis are that sick THE ENTIRE 9 MONTHS. Can you imagine that? Whoa, even now it gives me anxiety. And thats what I had, a mini anxiety attach. I couldnt breathe. I couldnt stop crying. AH! I cant do this I cant do this I cant do this. I eventually pushed that thought out of my mind, athough it still lingered the rest of the day.

Kari Ellis came over that night to bring dinner and keep me company. She brought dinner, ice cream, a toy for Sophie, a magazine for me to read. Really, I was just grateful for company! It always takes my mind off the constant nausea. After dinner, I decided to have John and our Neighbor give me a blessing. I knew I needed help to get past this nagging anxiety I was feeling. It was a beautiful blessing, exactly what I needed to hear, but I was still stressed. I was still SICK. I was so frustrated.

I decided to discuss the blessing with John and Kari. I needed some insight that I obviously wasnt able to see, or wasnt allowing myself to see. My sweet husband tried telling me what he was thinking, but he was having a hard time getting it across. Suddenly, Kari (who was doing my dishes, by the way), said "know what I'm thinking?"

"Yes, please!" I asked

She proceeded to tell me she had the distinct thought that there was nothing more important than what I was doing right now. Sophie is important, yes, but she already has been given a body. I did my part there in that part of her life. With this child I am doing something so important. Giving it a body. My body is doing what it needs to do to keep it healthy and strong so it can have a chance to come to this earth.

It was a fresh perspective that gave me a lot of comfort, and I am grateful she was there and felt the spirit to help me at that particular time. I feel renewed and I know I can do this.

*******

I am feeling better. Not 100%, but better. My friend Ashlee took it upon herself to call my bishop directly to make sure my ward was taking care of me. Seriously, do I have the best friends a girl could ask for? My friends and family have gone above and beyond to help me out. I couldnt be more grateful.

*******

For anyone wondering. Oranges are the best invention! Not only has it "cured" my constipation, it also lessened the symptoms of a cold I was about to get. So for anyone out there, an orange (or 2) a day, keeps the constipation at bay! (Or a cold at bay. That saying is very versatile)


Till next week folks!